I Wanted To Write You a Letter... / by Lauren Rascoe

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

I wanted to write you a letter and tell you all the things I’ve ever wanted to say. And I started to… well no, I wrote it, but in reality, I’m afraid to send it. I’m afraid that gravity may be too heavy and your hands may not have room to hold all that these words will unpack of me as their intention swells to move you. And they will move you. A lot more than a little bit. But can you handle my truth? Will I make you run and hide from my magnitude? I’m quite terrified, that in result, I’ll be bruised for expressing all of me to you, however, it remains true that I am still not afraid of you. but of myself. a fear of being too much instead of just enough as it is possible to have too much of a good thing. I just want to stay a good thing, with you. For if I am too heavy, I worry that I will make you uneasy… even though I’ve also noted that your feelings are beyond my control — so I cannot focus on yours, but my own. I’ve only got authority over what inside me is going on. and one way or another I’m going to silence it… ‘cuz I’m over thinking.

The truth is… for now, I’m letting you go.

You may never see this. If you did, you might not even know it was for you. And that’s fine. I’ve just got to put it out there that, that moment in time was divine. A true experience of acceptance to growth. To change. Unlearning the ropes. The catalyst to get me back on track to finding myself. I almost got caught up in trying to take you with me… deep down I knew I couldn’t, but I figured I’d try anyway. God knew not to place that on your spirit, so I’m glad you knew better than to oblige me, because the journey to self-love was one I had to take on my own.

Nonetheless… I appreciate you for being.

Even if you don’t believe or agree with me about what’s good in you, you can’t change what you’ve done for me.

And I need you to know…

I needed that.