My Deepest Fear

My deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

My deepest fear is that I'm gonna see the name of my loved one’s on a t-shirt.

That a day that would otherwise be normal ends with a life stolen prematurely

and that hearts are hurt.

I'm afraid of seeing another hashtag

And people trying to paint a picture of everything they'd ever done bad

Because there's always got to be a reason they "deserved" it.

Whether it be on accident or with hateful intent.

The truth remains that no one really deserves that.

This is my deepest fear.

That my brother, father, husband; my mother, sister, cousins would suddenly no longer be here.

And it wouldn't matter whether or not the fault was their own.

Or the places they were apprehended were places they should have never gone.

That the power they believed they had would be stripped from them and gone

I am afraid every time I hear a siren comes on...

That someone's heartbeat won't ever again get to go home.

And our world will have to mourn for them,

if we ever catch wind...

For so often their stories, like their souls; we have to bury them.

Forever burdened the with a heaviness we aren't allowed to forget.

Because we carry the trauma with us, like the darkness of our skin.

This is my deepest fear.

Whether it be black on black crime, police brutality or racism's spear.

These are the stories, I no longer want to hear.

Because I'm tired of crying for their souls.

For the seeds that can never be planted and dreams that will never grow.

I no longer want to mourn somebody's children and live my life with these holes

for every time a bullet ricochets between a brown body's bones.

This is my deepest fear.

To witness modern day lynchings and know that nobody cares.

Every day, we are fighting.

Subconsciously fending for our lives on our own..

My deepest fear is that someday

I may be the one that doesn't make it home.